You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
