hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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