I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
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We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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