sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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