Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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