she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
