how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
