Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I intend to get homeless drunk
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
