I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
