She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
