she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
