Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
