i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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