I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And then my night got REAL pukey
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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