Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize