I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
