I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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