Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
