ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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