community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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