yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
