Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
