when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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