I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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