I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
