Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
