seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We had sex on a dog bed..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
