mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
