the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
