If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
