I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
