He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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