So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
