my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
