if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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