Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
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