I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
