I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
