Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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