There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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