I think my fart just growled at me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
