blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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