It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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