chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
