"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
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I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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