8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
