ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
