i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
