So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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