You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
