That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i think i just lost a toe
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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