I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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