i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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