if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
