I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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