Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I enjoy the company of your penis
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
