Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
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We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
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I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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