My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
