Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
