i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
