You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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