You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How naked do you want me to be?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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