I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
