on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
