you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
