I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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