Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
